I’m tired. My mind is weary. It’s easier – or so it seems — to avoid the unpleasantness of thinking too much. Eat into numbness and then delve into the familiar self-loathing. It’s the usual cycle my mind has learned oh so well over the years. Easier to hate self than face the real monsters in my mind and past.
No more!
Bring the monsters into the light. I will not let them hide in the dark anymore. I will turn up the light slowly, lest they are startled and they run back to the shadows to lurk waiting for the perfect opportunity to wreak havoc on my soul.
Turn up the light — brighter and brighter. Bring them into heat of the spotlight until the mask burns away and all is left is a small blonde girl in a blue dress quietly crying.
2 Comments
November 17, 2007 at 5:03 am
This is so beautifully expressed. I’ve said before, and I’ll say it again–I’m so proud of you for having the courage to do this for yourself. I know it isn’t easy. You have a loving crowd behind you all the way.
Hugs. Hugs. More hugs.
November 18, 2007 at 10:35 pm
You looked AMAZING yesterday, DeAnn. I see you changing…on the outside and the inside. The perfect combination. Bring on the monsters. You are stronger than ANY of them.
You can do this.
You ARE doing this.