Her son is now 4-years old and adorable and funny.  I now have the opportunity to teach his Primary class every Sunday (with 2 other equally funny and adorable 4-year olds.)  The other day her son, who I will call Noah (because that is his name) complained to his mother about the unfairness life.  Being 4 can be very hard and terribly unfair at times.  You see — his sister who is adopted has a birth mother.  His friend (who is also adopted) has a birth mother.  And even his foster sister has a birth mother.  He said to his mom “everyone has a birth mother but me!”  But then he said “I want DeAnn to be my birth mom!”

Kari called me at work to tell me the news.  I laughed right out loud and then even cried a little.  I told her I would be happy and honored to be his “birth mom”.  She gave him the news and she reported that he grinned ear to ear.

Today at the end of our church class Noah said to me “You are the best birth mom ever!”

So here I am thinking about what life has in store for me (because it certainly hasn’t turned out as planned) and I can hold on to the hope that God already has something wonderful in motion for me.  After all — by some miracle, as of this week, I became a “birth mother” to a 4-year old.

Hang on, because this is going to get good!

So a few weeks ago I came across a little contest on Facebook to win a 4-week stay at the Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge.  I went to the site and read the rules. I thought how much I would love to do this.  I have a friend who spent 2-weeks at Fitness Ridge last year and have been amazed to watch her transformation.  But then I realized I was smack-dab in the middle of the Christmas Season and basically my job owned me for a few more weeks.  There would be no way to make a video to enter in the contest – well one that wasn’t dumb anyway.  Plus there was no way I wanted to beg people to vote for me.    It was a nice thought.

A few nights later I received a message from my friend Laurel — with the link to the contest and the message said “have you seen this, I think you should do it”.  I replied that ironically enough I had seen it and that it sounded awesome but it was Christmas time . . . blah, blah, blah.   Then she said “we can help you.” meaning my group of friends I lovingly call GNO.   My body and soul was still filled with doubts and exhaustion but something in me said that I needed to try.  That I needed to do this.  We agreed to talk about it at our Christmas gathering and make a plan.  The next thing I knew we were brainstorming and tossing around ideas on how to make a video.  Should it be funny?  Serious?  A little of both?   To make a long story at least a little bit shorter . . .  With all of their help (and I include one husband who filmed and edited) I did it!  Well rather — WE did it.

So this is the part where I ask you to go to the contest site and vote for my video.   HERE

Since doing this I’ve had a few thoughts running through my head.  First is that I am so incredibly grateful that I have friends who will support me and help me believe when I’m feeling a little short in that area.  Also — contest or not contest, it’s time for me to put my life in order.  It’s time to do what is required to have the healthy life I want.  I’ve also learned that it’s okay to let go of my pride and let people help me.

It’s a new year and it’s going to be a year of “Me” – where I dedicate myself to improving my physical body.  But It’s also a year of “YOU” because I know that I won’t get there alone.  I also know that by being healthy I can better be utilized by the Lord to help others.

• Why haven’t I been blogging like I used to?  I blame facebook.  Instead of spending time thoughtfully expressing myself in writing I’ve turned to short quips, “likes”, and sarcastic (and sometimes funny) retorts.

• If you enter Publishers Clearinghouse online even once – they will email you every day with another chance to win a bajillion dollars and at the same time offer you “amazing deals” on things that you should own.  Really important things like Eggies.  Because as you have probably seen on T.V. you can waste hours of time trying to peel hard-boiled eggs.  Little did I know that they don’t just sell magazines anymore at PCH.  They will also sell you the Perfect Meatloaf Pan , lighted tweezers, clever organizer wallets, and the ultimate Elvis CD.

• I’ve officially turned into a “lister”.  This is where you list out to another person either the things you are going to do that day or the things you have done that day.  I used to secretly make fun of my sister for doing this as pointed out by her children — until I realized that my mother is also a “lister”.  My sister comes by it legitimately.  THEN — I caught myself –  I LIST!  I do it all the time.  I’ve officially turned into my mother.  Next I’ll be wearing slippers all the time and carrying zip-lock baggies in my purse.

• I have a new theme song called Dancing in the Rain.  It’s by Hilary Weeks on her new album Every Step. The lyrics that have been running through my head are “I grabbed my polka dot umbrella – and I danced in the rain.  I told my dreams I haven’t forgotten them . . . “  (to get the full effect download the song and them imagine me singing it in my car really loud. ) Love this.  I bought myself a polka dot umbrella and it’s in my office.  It’s way past time to remind my dreams that I haven’t forgotten them.

• New calling in church — teaching the 4-year old.  I’m totally excited. We are going to have so much fun!  (Note to self: practice being the mature one in that class)

• Why do little kids not cherish “the nap”?

• It still cracks me up that I still get “hits” daily on a post I wrote a few years ago about Velma from Scooby Doo.  Seriously do THAT many people Google “Velma” and “Scooby Doo” every day?

Officially out of random thoughts.  That is all.

You are NOT the Boss of ME!

You exhaust me.  I listen to you way to much and then I always feel bad.

I can’t hang out with you anymore.

That is all!

DeAnn

I am sure I could have arranged to sit with a friend or ward member but I but I really wanted to sit by myself and have time to think and write as I waited for the conference to start.  Even though there was a lot going on around me I was able to find some personal “stillness”.   As I wrote in my notebook I realized that I still fall in to the trap of thinking that my weight is a measure of my happiness.  There is no doubt that my health does play a part of my happiness but  at the end of the day it’s not whether I stuck to my eating plan or not that determines my complete happiness unless I let it.  Honestly to do that is a distraction to some of the things that are really important.  At the end of the day these are the things I should be asking myself:

Did I spend time with the Lord in prayer?

Did I feast from the scriptures?

Did I eat mindfully?

Did I do my work diligently?

Did I exercise with joy?

Was I a blessing to someone else?

Did I listen for the promptings of the Spirit?

Did I laugh?

Did I have a few moments of stillness?

Did I have a grateful heart?

Are all those things on my daily “to do” list?  More importantly are they on my “to be” list?  They are now!

• Pinterest. Where have you been all my life?  I love you!

• Land-O-Lakes Cinnamon Sugar Butter!  I could spread this on anything.  Really — just about anything!
• Persian Mini Cucumber.  Seriously  I adore these.  No cutting, no peeling, just wash and eat.  And they are so adorable!
• My neighbors puppies.  I really really want one — but alas I cannot have one.  Is it bad that I names the little black puppy “Cocoa Puff”?
• “The Help”.   Read the book.  See the movie.  Great stuff.
• The “Culinary Mystery” series by Josi Kilpack.  A little mystery!  A little romance!  A few recipes!  Can you ask for anything more?
• Lark Rise to Candleford.  How did I not discover this until the series had ended?  And I was so sad it did end.  The word “delightful” is totally appropriate for this.  If this were a facebook post I would press “like”.
• Aprons.  I love me a good old fashioned apron. (this is not me modeling the apron)
• Netflix
• My Android Thunderbolt.  I was due for a “smart phone” and walked into Verizon and said “gimmee and Iphone” well — I walked out with my Android and I heart it.
• Water Aerobics.  Glad I’m back at it.  I didn’t realize how much I missed it.  When I joined Golds Gym I tried some of their water aerobics classes and they were horrible.  So it’s back to KOPFC where their Water Aerobics kicks my butt.

Life really is good!  There are so many things to savor and be happy about!

As I picked through the dolls in my box I remembered I had other dolls that I had saved too.  There was a doll my brother had brought me from Spain when he came home from his mission.  There was a small stuffed bear that I got on a trip to Yellowstone, and a couple other things.

I gave my Barbies to my young nieces to finish destroying (they were too young to care about her ultra-short hair) and the special dolls I looked at, smiled, and put them away again.  I wasn’t ready to let them go and chances are I won’t ever be.

Some of my dreams have been like my old toys.  Recently I pulled them out of their “box” that I put on the shelf a year or more ago.

I looked at them.

I smiled.

I thought about analyzing why I’d even put them on the self, but decided that there were to0 many reasons and perhaps today – it doesn’t even matter anyway.

I know that some dreams have just passed.  Like my old Barbie, they don’t fit in my life anymore.  There may have been pain when I packed them in the box, but taking them out today is just a sweet memory of a hope gone by.    These dreams I let go.  Someone else will play with them and it’s okay.

But a  few dreams — I  had forgotten that I tucked them away with the others.  They are ready to come out again.  I’m not ready to let them go –perhaps not ever.

45 years ago this month I made my grand debut to the world.   So for each year I’ve lived . . . here are 45 Things I Love About My Life (in no particular order.)

1. My mom.  She is just a truly good woman who loves the Lord and her family.
2. My father who watches out for me from the “other side”.
3. My sister.  She is the best friend I could have.  She loves and accepts me unconditionally.  She is a good mother and I’ve loved watching her raise her children.
4. All my nieces and nephews.  I love them like they were my own — and it’s even better because I don’t have to clean up after them.
5. My taste in bags and purses.  I do know how to pick a good bag!
6. That I feel like I make a difference in my job (on most days.)
7. That people often will talk to me and share their problems and struggles.  I can’t solve them usually but I hope I can listen and help people feel understood and loved.
8. My friends in my ward and stake.  I love that it doesn’t matter that our lives are different — their is a common bond that runs deep and we can help and support each other.
9. My GNO friends.  Sometimes I wonder why they like me — I’m kind of a dork sometimes and yet they always see the good in me (or if they see the not-so-good they keep it to themselves.)
10. My Facebook friends — which really translates into the wonderful people who’s life’s path has crossed mine at sometime and thanks to technology (“yes I love technology . . . “) have crossed my path again.
11. That even though I don’t have a big expensive house, I do make enough money to get my nails done and buy a few clothes and a purse every so often (umm like every couple months.)
12. My Golds Gym membership.  It’s a good place to run away to.  My rule is that I never take my phone in with me.  It’s just time for me.
13. The temple.  I love the time I get to spend at the temple every week.  Who knew it would change my life so much?
14. My cricut. So cool.
15. That I can come home and have shaved ice every night if I want.   That was a $24.99 investment this summer that has been worth every penny.
16. A bed with 5 pillows.
17. The tradition I started this year with my mom to have a prayer with her every Sunday after church.  Sweet times.
18. Good dark chocolate.  Who needs Hersheys when you can have Lindt or Cummings  Studio Chocolates.
19. That my car is paid for.
20. Pedicures with adorable flowers on my toes.
21. Sunday naps.
22. Netflix
23. My Android Thunderbolt phone.
24. Prayers answered through the scriptures.
25. My journal
26. That I LOVE teeny tiny things.
27. That I actually have a mannequin in my office.  You say “crazy”.  I say “creative”.
28. Cute aprons.
29. Shoes
30. Tender mercies from the Lord.
31. That feeling you get when you hold a baby.
32. Texting someone I care about for no reason at all except to say I was thinking about them.
33. Receiving texts from someone I care about for no reason at all except for them to say they were thinking about me.
34. Nieces and friends who fall in love and remind me that fairy tales still happen.
35. Walks in the park.
36. That bargain shopping is my favorite sport.
37. My feelings of connection to my grandparents even though they have been gone for many years.  I love that I have a few things in my room that belongs to both my grandmothers.  I truly believe that they are not very far.
38. Those rare moments of feeling completely content and that all is as it should be.
39. That Pride and Prejudice NEVER gets old.
40. Getting drenched in a warm rain.
41. Blogging (I really am going to start writing more — I’ve missed it.)
42. Books, books, and more books  . . . and even more books that I’ll probably never get around to reading.
43. Singing loudly in my car and turning up the sound high enough that I can’t hear myself.
44. Me
45. Jesus Christ!  My friend, My Savior, My confidant, My strength, My therapist, My hope, My ALL.