I’ve learned through the years that it’s a good thing to “count your blessings”. It’s true! Sometimes it’s so cumbersome though so I have designed a new system. I have not just counted my blessings — I have numbered them for future reference. Today I am grateful for blessings #4, #12, #65, and #29.
Wow — Truly I’m blessed!
At the beginning of the summer I posted things that I thought were the best. Check that out here if you like. Well not to be a negasaurus or anything but clearly if there is the “best” there must also be the worst. So here are the winners of my personal “Worst Things Ever” contest.
The Worst Accent In a Movie
Winner: Drew Barrymore in Ever After
Is the accent French? English? Yes it’s a lov-er-ly story. Yes it’s romantic but come on — she talks like she has a speech impediment.
The Worst Chore I Ever Had to Do
Winner: Cleaning the grease trap in the kitchen at Oakcrest.
Don a towel around you nose, rubber gloves, and a bucket just in case. Scooping out the molding greasy gray lumpy water . . . totally disgusting.
The Worst Blind Date
Winner: Jay – Former Companion of a Co-Worker 1987
We doubled with his parents to his Stake Gold and Green Ball. I believe his mother held the brain for the entire family. As we entered the restaurant she told me she didn’t have any teeth but was getting implants and so she only had 2 screws in her mouth. She then smiled and showed me — Sure enough — all gums and 2 screws right where Dracula’s fangs would be. No worries — she gummed down her food AND kept up the conversation.
The Worst Hair Style I Ever Had
Winner: The Permed Mullet
My senior year of highschool. It was 1984 and IT was in style at the time.
The Worst Episode of the Brady Bunch
Winner: Her Sisters Shadow
This episode featured the famous quote “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia”. Jan whined a lot. So your older sister was perfect. At least you weren’t that tattle-tale Cindy!
The Worst Place to Get a Zit
Winner: Just Right Inside the Very Edge of Your Nose
Admit it — just thinking about this makes your eyes tear up.
Okay those are the winners for this year. Stay tuned next year for all new categories like Worst Handshake, Worst Embarrassing Moment that Wasn’t Mine But I Witnessed, and Worst Actor Not Even Trying to Have an Accent in a Movie set in England.
It seems that I have a running face-bookish commentary running through my head. I notice the things I am doing and then translate them into short sentences that may or may not be interesting. I also noticed I am starting to think of myself in third person. I made this discovery today on my way home from work. If my computer were reading my thoughts this is what my facebook status would be saying:
DeAnn, tired from a day at work decides that she should go shopping.
DeAnn calls her mom to see if she needs anything.
DeAnn’s mom needs milk.
DeAnn notices the school supply display at the store entrance and her heart beats faster as she sees bins full of pens, scissors, rulers, glue, colored pencils, and post-it pads.
DeAnn remembers that the Relief Society is collecting school supplies for the Humanitarian Center school bags and feels justified in buying 5 scissors and 5 packs of colored pencils.
DeAnn wonders if store has mu mu’s.
DeAnn see’s ridiculously cute pink pajamas and decides she must have them even though she doesn’t need them.
DeAnn wonders if flavored sparkling water is better for her than soda and puts some in her cart.
DeAnn puts more fresh blueberries in her cart and realizes how fond she has become of fresh blueberries.
DeAnn puts bag of dark chocolate covered pomegranate pieces in her cart because it’s full of antioxidents and she is concerned about her health and getting enough antioxidents.
DeAnn acknowledges that the last sentence is an example of total denial because those pomegrate pieces dipped in dark chocolate really just looked deliciously good.
DeAnn sees baby clothes on clearance sale. She knows 3 people with babies and decides that she has no choice but to buy baby clothes.
DeAnn is having serious shopping compulsions today.
DeAnn is taking her purchases to her car and is approached by man selling tamales. She politely declines and wonders who would actually buy tamales from a guy in the parking lot.
DeAnn notices that she has had a running facebook commentary in her head and wonders if she should call her therapist.
DeAnn is now home and puts on ridiculously cute pink pajamas with teeny black polka dots, pours herself some sparkling lemon water (over ice with a slice of lime) and realizes that the commentary in her head is just way to much for facebook.
DeAnn smiles to no one in particular because she realizes – she has a blog.
If I took any of these quotes from your face book — please forgive me. I won’t put names on them. They are just some things that friends have posted within the last 24 hours that have caused me to think.
” . . . is sick of having to watch her weight!! How come we all can’t just be skinny and cute without having to sweat our butts off at the gym and living on water and lettuce alone???”
” . . . Is on a fruit and veggie fast.”
” . . . i feel skinny oh so skinny i feel skinny and…..skinny and….uh….SKINNY!! haha. visualization my dear.”
I was also with one of my favorite people yesterday – she is beautiful and in her 20’s. She is extremely slender — like she weighs maybe 105. She mentioned that she had gotten fat an was trying to lose weight.
I think of all the times I have thought these same things. Even when I was thin I felt as fat as I am right now. Losing weight, thinking about losing weight, and feeling guilty for not losing weight has been my lifelong hobby. How did all us incredible women get this way? This place where we have based so much of our worth and success as a human being on what the blasted scale says. I’m not talking about being healthy and listening to and loving our bodies. I’m talking about how we as good righteous women still are so full of angst and dissatisfaction with our bodies. I’m one of them. I battle that mindset but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to being one of them.
This morning on Face book an acquaintance who somehow ended up being listed as a “friend” posted this on his account:
“. . . is so glad that all the attractive girls FLOCK to the city of XXXX. Thank goodness there aren’t a bunch of single heffers desperate to find a husband roaming around town. Man! That would be awful if that were the case. Phew!!”
I read this before starting work this morning. I’m still angry. Not because he’s a guy who is attracted to thin women – that’s totally his right. It’s that his attitude (that he obviously has no reservations sharing) is exactly part of the problem of why so many women are in this lifelong battle with their body, weight, and self worth. It’s the judgment that a women who is overweight has less worth than their slender sisters. And who is it that defines what a “heffer” (uhhh spelled “heifer” – spell your insults correctly please) is? In the minds of some of some of my amazing friends who are zipping their size 4 jeans – it’s them. It’s also in the minds of those who are putting on size 12 and even size 20. Many sizes – same issues.
I call for a rebellion against this attitude wherever it is. I call for loving who we are – right now. I call for nourishing and nurturing ourselves and letting our bodies go to it’s normal and healthy weight. That doesn’t mean binging and drowning ourselves in unhealthy foods. It also doesn’t mean restricting ourselves from everything until we are totally obsessed and in a no-win battle against ourselves. It doesn’t mean giving up exercise. It does mean respecting who we are and standing up against the unhealthy messages that bombard us. It means letting go of even giving ourselves those same unhealthy messages. Our bodies and spirits make our soul. It’s time we started nourishing and respecting both.
This is my first movie. This is NOT Steven Spielberg quality. This is what my family does for fun on the 4th of July.
