Today I Will Not Live Up to My Potential . . .

on February 14, 2008

It snowed last night. It was a wet and windy storm and the roads were slick. I debated this morning as I dressed, whether to make my weekly pilgrimage to Weight Watchers on the other side of town for my weekly weigh-in. I knew if I didn’t make it this morning I probably wouldn’t make it for the week, so I went. I was hopeful as I stepped on the scale. I’d had some days that I know I didn’t make the wisest food choices but I had also had some days were I really was on the mark, plus I have been having some great workouts. I figured I’d at least be the same as last week or maybe if 1/10th of a pound less. Well I was up .8. Ugh! It’s been like this for the past 4 weeks. Now I have these little talks with myself when it comes to the scale. I say things like “now the scale is not your judge, it’s only a measuring tool. It’s just feedback – so don’t get discouraged.” But today — I wasn’t in the mood for my little pep-talk. I also was not in the mood for the Weight Watcher lady at the scale. This particular “scale lady” is nice enough — really she is. She just bugs the crap out of me. I knew what she was going to say (because I’m sure they are trained to.) Sure enough she says “what would you like to see happen next week?” Okay — I know it’s some little psychology question to help us take ownership for our behaviors — but for the love of Pete! I am at Weight Watchers – what in the hell do you think I want to have happen next week? I am trying not to be irritated with her question (albeit unsuccessfully) and answer “well I think it’s pretty obvious that I’d like to lose.” So she says “maybe you should look at what you are doing.” Hmmm — why didn’t I think of that? I mumble “I’ll work on that” and walk away.
After the meeting I stop for some treats to “take to work” for Valentines Day and proceed to eat said treats in my car. Yes — I know this is not helpful behavior. But for today — or at least until noon I have decided to NOT live up to my potential. I am going to eat frosted heart cookies and dark chocolate cherry flavored 3 Musketeer mini’s. I will have a Diet Coke chaser and then I am going to have 7-layer bean dip! And dammit – I’m going to have that stomachache too (hey – I’m being rebellious but not naive.) Also – to make the cycle complete I shall feel guilty about it! I shall say outloud “why do I even try?” as I stuff a tortilla chip in my mouth. I shall look in the mirror and say “ugh!” I shall laugh a wicked laugh and refuse to put on lipstick!

It is now 11:00 a.m. I have one more rebellious hour. My stomach is already starting to feel gross. But I won’t give in. Just you watch — I swear to you I will NOT put on lipstick for an hour.

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3 responses to “Today I Will Not Live Up to My Potential . . .

  1. girlwhoknits says:

    Speak it sister!!!

    (Spoken by a woman who has eaten two cupcakes, two brownie bites, chocolate covered strawberries, and a variety of other treats this morning.)

  2. Laurel says:

    I love letting myself not live up to my potential. Just for a bit. I was right there with you today. And now I’m paying for it.
    HMMM, I wonder if there’s a reason I’m online on Valentine’s night? (grin).
    You made me laugh right out loud.
    Way to be committed!!

  3. Larrie says:

    I’m sorry. I’m laughing out loud and there’s no one here to laugh with. AND I’m not laughing at you but with you AND I’ve been there so many times I quit counting. What is it with us? Why can’t we just straighten up and fly right? Or are we flying right and just need to be nice to ourselves? Oh life. Maybe YOU should be standing at that scale for others and tell them how it really is. Don’t know if any of this helps, but I sure do understand.

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