Be Still

on February 25, 2008

I’ve been thinking lately about the scripture in Psalm “Be still and know that I am God”. Mostly I think because my mind is seldom “still” in fact for the last few years I go to sleep with the TV on because I am afraid of the stillness of my mind. I’ve been afraid of stillness because I have been afraid of the emotions that come with it – they may be unpleasant feelings and it’s easier – or so I thought – to fight with other emotions than accept the stillness.

The past week I’ve been trying to practice “stillness”. I have discovered some interesting things about myself. For instance in the stillness I have discovered that it had been easier to hate myself than be angry at those who have hurt me in the past. Oh how tempting it has been when thoughts arise to dive right in to the self-loathing mode and I remind myself to “be still” and let feelings come – whatever they are. It is uncomfortable – not that self-hate is comfortable or healthy – but it was familiar. I wonder how many other things I do or don’t do because it’s “familiar” but not necessarily the best thing for me? I also realized how much in the past I ate to deal with feelings – a lot of different feelings not just anger. I used it to suppress being too hopeful – because I’d be let down. I used it to squash out attraction to men because I could get hurt. I used it to block out feelings about my own body. Of course overeating then directly led me to feelings of self hate – where I was comfortable to wallow and give myself the thrashings I thought I so richly deserved.

The stillness has been strange and yet a little bit of an adventure. How interesting to stop and let feelings come and identify them and say “hmm – I’m feeling lonely, angry, scared, etc”. Running from feelings has kept me from learning valuable lessons from the Lord. In those times of stillness I am discovering whisperings of the spirit and truths about myself that I have long forgot.. No wonder the Lord tells us to “be still” and then to trust him and to “know that I am God”.

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2 responses to “Be Still

  1. Larrie says:

    You made me cry very early in the day. What a beautiful post! Thanks for the reminder.

  2. Laurel says:

    Stillness is nothing but good. Stillness if nothing but GOD.
    Good for you, my friend. I’ve learned something from YOUR stillness. thanks.

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