This Wasn’t the Plan

on February 28, 2008
by Robyn Sarah

It is possible that things will not get better
than they are now, or have been known to be.
It is possible that we are past the middle now.
It is possible that we have crossed the great water
without knowing it, and stand now on the other side.
Yes: I think that we have crossed it. Now
we are being given tickets, and they are not
tickets to the show we had been thinking of,
but to a different show, clearly inferior.

Check again: it is our own name on the envelope.
The tickets are to that other show.

It is possible that we will walk out of the darkened hall
without waiting for the last act: people do.
Some people do. But it is probable
that we will stay seated in our narrow seats
all through the tedious dénouement
to the unsurprising end — riveted, as it were;
spellbound by our own imperfect lives
because they are lives,
and because they are ours.

This wasn’t the plan you know. The plan was simple and shared by many other girls my age and in my culture. You see the plan was to find true love sometime in my 20’s and get married and have many babies. When I was 15 sitting in my mutual class while Sister Demille taught me about temple marriage the plan didn’t seem complicated at all. It was a good plan! I liked the plan!

In my late 20’s I realized that the plan had been delayed, but it was still the plan. My 30’s came. I still had the plan. Of course I also found a meaningful job. I had friends, a great family, and opportunities to serve in the church. Life was good. In quiet moments I thought of the delay in the plan but it wasn’t too late. The timer on my biological clock had yet to go “ding” but the ticks were definitely getting faster and louder.

Now I am approaching 42. It’s still a good plan. Only as I glance down at the plan in my hand I see I’ve had a different itinerary all along. “This wasn’t the plan.” I say to no one in particular. “In fact this plan is not clear cut – I don’t even know what’s going to come next.” I shrug and take another step forward because I already know I’ll follow this plan to the end. I smile a bit and think “hmmm – maybe this is an adventure? A mystery? A treasure hunt?” This is going to be a fun trip.


4 responses to “This Wasn’t the Plan

  1. Tiffany says:

    This is wonderful and so are you!

  2. Soul Fusion says:

    I found this from Tiffany’s shared items – loved it! Beautifully put and so true.

  3. girlwhoknits says:

    I love this post. Love you and can’t wait to see what is next on your itinerary.

  4. Laurel says:

    This IS your plan A, DeAnn….we just never knew this was plan A. Love you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s