How to Enjoy Being Sick

on November 9, 2008

Wake up earlier than normal on a Sunday.  Acknowledge that it isn’t right or fair that you are awake with a head full of snot.  Stagger into the kitchen to get another drink of water.  Stop at the bathroom on the way back to take care of all the drinks of water you had during the night.  Wait until you see someone else up and announce that you do not feel good.  Go back to bed.  Wake up an hour later.  Decide it’s okay to eat some breakfast and that sugar-free pudding with extra coolwhip and a piece of leftover frenchbread is indeed a decent breakfast.  Realize after you have eaten the pudding that it was the “comfort food” you were after but that you should have thought about the phlem factor that milk products seem to make worse when you have a cold.  Drink more water.  Take a variety of pills including zinc, and cold medicine.  Make sure you take the REAL cold medicine that you have to get from the behind the pharmacy counter with a little card that you picked up off the shelf.

Under no circumstances should you brush your hair more than once.  At least brush your hair once so you can say you did.  Do NOT take a shower unless you think it will clear your sinuses.  Brush your teeth because you think it will get rid of the gross taste in your mouth.  Acknowledge to yourself 10 minutes later that it didn’t work and pop in a piece of gum that also soothes the throat.  Do not put in your contacts.  Wear your glasses.  Put on warm slippers and a large cozy sweatshirt.  Take a picture with your laptop to prove you were really sick and not just skipping out on church.  Pray that the boy you hope asks you out again never finds your blog to see said picture.  Go back to bed with the new Ensign that you have stolen even though no one else has had a chance to read it.  Read an article and think to yourself that you really do like Elder Uchtdorf but probably not as much as Holly does.  Throw the Ensign on the floor.  Read a chapter from the scriptures.  Think that you really need to do better.  Decide that you will have more faith, charity, and humility.  Vow to do that as soon as you wake up.  Take a nap.



6 responses to “How to Enjoy Being Sick

  1. Laurel says:

    SO sorry you are sick…but love your approach to being sick. Can I do all of these things even though I am NOT sick but just really really really tired?


  2. Vanessa says:

    Whoa! Whoa! I had the exact same morning. Except that I actually attempted going to church. But once there I decided that I was indeed miserable and would probably bite next person who said that I looked sick, so I went home and finished out the rest of the day as you described.

    Hope you feel better! Let me know if you need anything.

  3. hollers says:

    Ohhh. My DEEPEST sympathies. I had a FANTASTIC Sunday, but I don’t want to rub that in … TOO much … I’ll pray tonight that your phlegm up and leaves. 🙂 And maybe I’ll ask Elder Uchtdorf to send you a note and care package … (we’re tight, y’know)

  4. Heather says:

    Gee, that’s how I look after an all-nighter of homework. 🙂 Hope you’re feeling better now.

  5. Heide says:

    You are indeed my hero!! I have never read of being sick in such a great way!! I love you

  6. Kari says:

    I missed our sunday school class, maybe next week 🙂 Hope you are feeling better.

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