This Meeting Will Now Come to Order!

on May 2, 2009

Thank you for coming. I am sure you are all wondering why I have called you together for this meeting. You may be looking around the room and think that you have nothing in common to be brought together like this. You are different in so many ways but yet – you are still all food and in one way or another I have had a relationship with you.

I see that mostly you have chosen to sit on separate sides of the room and it’s true that I have mostly kept you separate. But I would like to thank those of you that have chosen to intermingle, such as Strawberry and Dark Chocolate. It does my heart good to see you sitting next to each other in such harmony. I hope I can see more of that.

I know these types of meetings generally make everyone a bit nervous. But let me start out by saying right up front that you all have had a place in my life and most likely, all or most of you, will continue to have a place in my life. As difficult as it is for all of us, myself included, we must face the reality that as times change so much relationships. This includes all of you here and why I have chosen to address you. Some of you I have spent a lot of time with over the years and thought of me a good friend from all the time we spent together. Perhaps you have even been confused as you felt me growing distant at times in the last couple of years only to then come rushing back to you for support and comfort. I apologize for using you. Cookie, Cake, Doughnuts, and Inexpensive Candy – this has been you. I hope we can be friends in the future and meet on an occasional basis and enjoy each others company but I can no longer meet any of you in secret anymore. It was unhealthy to keep our true relationship so secretive at times and I am sorry for using you so shamelessly. Cheap Chocolate and Ice Cream – you I have used more than any other here. First let me say thank you for trying to comfort and console me in some of my very dark hours. I know you tried to fill that broken little hole in my heart, but I was wrong to think you could do that to start with. Ice Cream, don’t worry I will continue to see you but you must know I have spent more time with your cousin Frozen Yogurt and Breyers Sugar Free as of late. What I am hoping for is that we can have a healthy relationship when we see each other. That we can enjoy being together on special occasions and then part amicably feeling the satisfaction of a happy brief interchange. Cheap Chocolate –I will be seeing even less of you. I have developed a friendship with Fine Chocolate and it has been a more pleasant and functional relationship.

Fried Foods and Beef – you may be wondering why I invited you at all as we really have spent so little time together since my unfortunately hospital stay to remove my gallbladder. You sometimes try to tempt me into having occasional flings but I always regret it. Simply – you make me sick. You are excused and are now welcome to leave the meeting.

Now to my friends sitting together in the back of the room, please come forward and take a seat in the front. Mostly I must thank you for being in my world. You are good and wholesome and when we are together I feel like a better person. Carrot, Broccoli, Salad, and all your other friends you are welcome to be even more a part of my life. You are bright and I feel happy and nourished after we get together. Whole Wheat and Oats – you have strength that sustains me. Apple, Orange, and all the Berry Family – thank you for your sweetness. And Mango – who knew I would grow to like you so much. Please feel free to introduce me to your other friends, I’m sure we will get along fine.

I know that this shift in our various relationships will be difficult for me at times but it really is for the best. Now a word to all of you – I plan on enjoying the times we will have together in the future.  But the truth is – all together I need to think and worry about all of you less and think more about my other relationships. I have wonderful friends and family. I hope to continue to add more to my circle. I also need to invest more time with someone else who has promised that when I hunger or thirst, what HE has to offer will always be enough.

Okay – that’s all for our meeting today. Thank you for attending today I look forward to these improvements and know they will be beneficial.


6 responses to “This Meeting Will Now Come to Order!

  1. Tasha says:

    You are the best! I love you!

  2. Laurel says:

    i seriously can’t stand how much I adore you. AND you are a ridiculously creative writer.
    Ridiculously creative.

  3. Becky says:

    CLAP!CLAP!CLAP!CLAP! You are awesome my friend! Good luck in your new relationships! 🙂

  4. Larrie says:

    YOU are good. I can actually visualize this meeting. Could you come hold one for me, please? I need to address my Cowboy Cookies. They need to hang out somewhere else for a while. Great read!

  5. Kari says:

    Wow! All the things I’ve thought before, but never had the words.. are you in a band, ’cause you rock!!!! Thanks for being my friend.

  6. Red says:

    Seriously, you’re hilarious. I laughed and laughed. It’s amazing we have so many of the same friends, eh? 🙂

    Love you!

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