Standing Still! Moving On!

on January 3, 2011

Last last few months I’ve felt like I’ve been at a personal standstill.  My life is full of beautiful people and experiences and yet I have felt like I was not moving forward.  Life was not bad, but I longed for some sort of “Extreme Makeover”.   I wanted to feel like I was all “put together” and contributing to the world in a meaningful way.

As the holiday season approached and I readied myself for the onslaught of work, I had mentally decided that I would try not to wish the season away.  I hoped that hiring extra people and being better prepared would make for a smooth and less stressful season than years past.  But Thanksgiving came and along with it a new challenge — my body sent me a strong message that something was wrong.    Didn’t my body understand that this was THE busiest time of work?  The time when I needed to be at my best not only for me but for my amazing staff and customers?  And what about shopping?  Christmas cooking?  Making gifts for work and friends?

But my body said “HALT” and I had no choice.  I worked as much and as hard as I could but I also spent time at the doctors and having tests to see what was causing the pain in my stomach.  I took painkillers at night praying it would take the edge off the pain enough to sleep.  When I was feeling okay — I was too tired to want to shop.  I missed holiday parties and ate Jello and Saltines for days. I found myself doing what I was trying not to do this year — I was wishing Christmas to get here and be over with so that I could worry less about work.

After several tests — there still isn’t anything conclusive.  But I do know what it’s not and I guess that will have to be good enough for now.  I also have paid attention to what triggers the pain and make smart food choices.

I don’t believe that the Lord always causes pain or sickness – but He does allow it to happen.  I also believe that even in unpleasant situations He expects me to learn something valuable from it.  In all honestly – I wasn’t in the mood to learn something.  All I could think of was that the timing was so horribly bad to be sick.

It was during one of these times that I was feeling pretty sorry for myself that it dawned on me that if I had been this sick at any other time of the year I would have been inconvenienced.  I still would have had pain and gone to the doctors and had tests.  But because it was such an inconvenient time the Lord certainly had my attention and I felt that I needed to search my heart a little more.

Before this all started I had been thinking about “moving on”.  No – not moving or even changing my job — but mentally “moving on”.  So many issues that have taken up so much time, thought, and energy I needed to move past.  But this forced me to first “stand still”.  The words “Be still and know that I am God” kept running through my mind.  And having no choice I “stood still”.   And when I did stand still I was able to see the Lord really must like me because people were blessing me.

At work my staff carried on.  The worked hard and did what needed to be done.  I felt their overwhelming love as I received private emails from these amazing people saying that they were praying for me or putting my name in the temple.

My brother and brother-in-law came over one night to give me a priesthood blessing.  I noticed that both of them came in a shirt and tie.  I know that wasn’t what either were wearing earlier in the day — and I am just the sister so I expected them to come as they were.   But it reminded me that they both respected their priesthood and loved me enough to approach the Lord thoughtfully on my behalf.

Another night I was laying in my bed in my nightgown missing a party that I really wanted to go to and two of my friends stopped by first to give me a gift before going on to the festivities.  They gave me a soft warm blanket.  I went to sleep that night and the next few nights holding that blanket and feeling the warmth of friends more than the material.  I knew they were praying for me too.

My sister – whose life goes a million miles a minute called almost every day to check on me and she took me to the doctors and to the hospital for tests even though I know it was not convenient in the least.  When she couldn’t take me, my niece Clarissa did.

Knowing I still wanted to do holiday baking, two of my other nieces volunteered to come over to my house and make my treats for me and then stayed afterward to finish the gifts I was making for work.  They laughed, talked, and had chocolate smears on their faces – but I felt such love for them.

It dawned on me that I also was learning to listen to my body and feed it what it needed and not necessarily what I thought I wanted.  I had worked the last year with a dietitian on this and now I could see how what I had learned I really was capable of putting into practice consistently.

So this last month that is usually fast paced and hectic, I instead was able to see the Hand of God as I “stood still”.  I also find it amazing that I can see more clearly the ways I am now prepared to “move on”.

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4 responses to “Standing Still! Moving On!

  1. girlwhoknits says:

    Love this DeAnn. Leave it to you to learn something so significant from the hard month you have had. Here is to standing still AND moving on!

  2. Laurel says:

    moving. on.
    you’ve earned it.

    xoxo

  3. tikenmoose says:

    I hope you are feeling better. I hate being sick, and the thought of that complicating my life for a month is awful! Love you tons!

  4. Kari says:

    You amaze me! Thank you for always inspiring me.

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