Walking, Ice Skating, and Popping Back Up.

on March 4, 2013

It’s not a secret that one of the challenges I have is my relationship with food and my body.  I haven’t written about it much lately (well I haven’t blogged much lately anyway) because I have a certain level of shame for not achieving the goals I’ve wanted for myself.  It’s true that my goals have changed over time.  For instance, I no longer have a goal weight.  There is no magic number on a scale that equates to success or “arriving”.  What I want is to be free from the obsession, the emotional eating, and be at a healthy weight for me.  I want a strong body that I take care of and nurture.

But I’m tired.  I am tired of falling down and not knowing if I have the strength to get up again or even to dare to begin to hope for success.  It’s exhausting sometimes.

On Friday I left work a little early and went and had my hair cut and my nails done.  I was ready to just go home and relax but decided to stop by the indoor walking/running track at the Olympic Speed Skating Oval and walk.  Although the Oval has been here for years – I just learned about the indoor track that surrounds the oval.  They have running clubs that meet there and usually a variety of people walking and running the track.  Inside the track is the ice skating oval and in the middle of the oval are two sections where they mostly do hockey games and lessons.

I keep reminding myself that I deserve to have my body feel good by walking and wogging (my mixture of jogging and walking) and being strong.  This whole week I have struggled with doubts that I have had a hard time letting go of.  I knew even a half hour walking/wogging would do my mental health as much good as my physical health.  As I was walking around the track I noticed some figure skaters in the center of the rink practicing.  I had never been there when figure skaters were practicing and it was quite interesting to watch as I walked.  About my second lap I noticed this interesting contraption that two skaters were hooking up.  One skater had on a belt and she was attached to a wire that went up overhead and through a pulley.  Her coach/friend held on to the other end of the rope.  Then the girl wearing the belt started practicing some jumps and spins. As I watched I noticed that she fell down – A LOT.  The cool thing was — as soon as she did, the other person pulled the rope and she popped right back up.  I’m sure this saved a lot of time in training.  But it dawned on me – they anticipated that she was going to fall.  There was no pretense or expectation that she was going to be perfect – none at all!  They actually expected that she would fall.  The point seemed to be to keep practicing and to pop up very quickly every time she fell so she could get on with her training. Wow!  This was a huge aha moment for me. 

I’ve been so frustrated with myself because I am not the person I think I should be.  For whatever reasons, lately it seems like every time I fall – I end up sitting on the ice crying because I just can’t be good enough.  I even have been praying to understand how to utilize the Saviors atonement in making changes in my life – especially with my food and weight issues.  As I walked around the track I kept thinking about this and watching them practice.  She had times she didn’t fall – she had some great spins.  But she had several times she did fall.  The thought came to my mind that I need to remember that the Savior is on the other end of the rope.  He knows I keep trying! He also knows I’m going to fall.  BUT – if I let Him – he will be on the other end of the rope and pop me right back up to keep working at it.  It’s time for me to be like the graceful skater on the ice and believe that eventually I’ll get it right.  There’s no time to sit on the ice and cry — there is work to do and I have someone on the other end of the rope.

Note:  I did look it up online.  It’s called a Jump Harness.  It also helps keep the skaters straight in the air and in better position to land.  It helps develop confidence as they learn new skills.

figure skating harness photo

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4 responses to “Walking, Ice Skating, and Popping Back Up.

  1. laurel says:

    Power.ful. I needed this this morning. And remember…the Savior isn’t the only one there to pick us up when we fall. You are surrounded by people who love and adore you and pray for you. xoxo

  2. Cassidi says:

    Love this! Thank you so much. Can I share this with my young women?

  3. Erin says:

    Oh how I love this! (And you!)

  4. tikenmoose says:

    I read this when you first posted it, and I loved it. What a lesson for all of us. Lately, I think I’ve felt the same thing, that I keep falling and falling over and over again, and I don’t ever seem to learn my lesson. It’s so hard sometimes, to watch yourself struggle over and over again. I want you to know that although my struggle is not the same as yours, I understand how hard it can be and I am cheering you on. If you keep getting up again, then I will too. Love you!

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