Breaking Up

on July 30, 2013

Sometimes it’s hard to let go of a toxic relationship.  It’s damaging but there is still this part that says “If I can just do things right this time it will work.”  I have been in one of these relationships for a long long time.   Things always fall apart and yet somehow I have believed that if I could just try harder and be better things would work out “this time.”  I have written and prayed and toiled over this relationship for years and finally – I have done it.  I have broken up with dieting.

When I became serious about it – really serious about letting go of the need to have a plan, points, charts, logs and someone else dictate what, when and how much was the appropriate things to eat – a new adventure started to open up.  And honestly – it’s a bit scary.  It’s frightening to give myself 100% trust that I am capable of feeding and caring for myself in a loving and nurturing way.  It’s especially scary when I have been a very emotional eater, and because of that, believed that I was not deserving of my own trust.  After all I have let myself down a bazillion times.

But I know this is the way for me.  The way for me is to eat intuitively – what my body needs.  And to eat mindfully and be fully present.  As I have started to believe these things of myself I am noticing a shift in my thinking.  I ask myself more questions such as “Am I hungry?” or “where do I feel my hunger?”  If I’m not feeling the hunger in my stomach – something else is going on.   I’ve also had to really address the emotional eating piece – really address it.  Head on!  I thought for a long time I could do this by myself or by reading a book – but I needed help.  I found a great therapist who specializes in emotional eating.

I will confess — it’s been hard.  I have messed up.  But I’ve also learned to forgive myself and move on.  I’ve been frustrated because I’ve been conditioned that I “could lose 2 pounds per week” if I stayed on some kind of plan.  So it’s been slow.  But things are shifting and I’m feeling stronger and empowered.  I’ve learned that it’s just as empowering to feed yourself properly when you are hungry as it is to not eat when you just want to escape.  I’ve learned what it feels like to be satisfied.  I’ve learned how delicious something is when I take the time to really be present when I’m eating.  I’m also learning that I’m worth my own time and that I deserve to feel amazing after I workout.  And I’ve learned that it’s okay to want that hot fudge sundae and then to discern  whether I really want it – or I just want to be able to want it.

Now that I’ve broken the silence regarding my break up.  I’m going to be writing more about it.  I feel like I’m on this amazing journey to myself.

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2 responses to “Breaking Up

  1. tikenmoose says:

    Love this message! I think I have a few things I need to break up with!

  2. Nice post! With your permission, I would like to share it on my Facebook page Intuitive Eating Support: https://www.facebook.com/IEenable

    Have a great day!
    Janine

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